we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize