Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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