Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize