we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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