It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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