Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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