Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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