mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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