WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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