He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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