Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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