Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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