Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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