Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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