i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She bit a glass in half.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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