VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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