paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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