How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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