and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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