god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
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i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
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You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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