You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize