Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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