I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize