still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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