you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize