I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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