Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize