I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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