Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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