i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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