I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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