lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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