i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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