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Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
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