I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm at about main and main street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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