I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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