So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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