So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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