Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize