Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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