I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize