Umm I'm too high to move.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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