if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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