Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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