he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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