Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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