You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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