Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
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Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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