Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize