How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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